Medical student's dilemma

"That's why they said someone having medical problem shouldn't take this course (medical course)" said Doctor R to me. 

WHAT? 

I thought if someone having some medical issues then he/she is a better candidate to become a doctor. 

The first statement is true jugak sebab nanti patient aka doctor/medical student ni freak out lebih. If wikipedia ( ofcourse google! ) tulis 1% will have a chance of sudden cardiac death bla bla bla, yang di baca macam 10% will have a chance of cardiac death. Semua percentage nak increase. Semua complication nak fikir. But at the same time memang terbaik la baca buku pasal topic tu. Mesti orang berkenaan terer sudah dengan penyakit dia tu. Ni ada la jugak pengakuan budak-budak lain. Yang ada goitre, perghh terbaik kau! Tanya je la apa pun pasal thyroid semua ingat, percentage-percentage pun termasuk. Kalau biasa-biasa, percentage orang deliver on due date pun tak ingat. Lol.

Yeap, it's me yang ada medical issue itu. And being a girl is not  very okay la because nanti kahwin nak beranak pinak lagi. All these things perlukan kekuatan. Okay, I opt for C-sect. Muehehe. InshaAllah.

I keep on asking myself, why must me? Oh Allah.. I just don't know. Kalau asyik bertanya, nanti sedih. Orang cakap, bertahan sebab semuanya ada hikmah. Do you really know what type of feeling is this? 

Menangis, menangis dan menangis. 

Yes, saya tak kuat. Lemah sangat. Mungkin ini ujian dan pengajaran supaya saya lebih beribadah kepadaNya. 

Apapun yang terjadi, inilah yang terbaik rasanya. Disaat nak positif, macam-macam dugaan datang. 

Allahu Allah. Seriously I cant focus on my studies. Aim for distinction tahun ini, tapi entah la. Sometimes I feel hopeless. I dont know what is going on with me now and later. Oh, by the way ada la time yang saya naik semangat sikit sebab result 4th year dah keluar. Alhamdulillah :) honours and distinctions. No need la nak cakap berapa honours berapa distinction. Daku pohon supaya kau menolongku juga dalam hal ini sama seperti kau menolongku dalam pelajaran. Sumpah, aku tidak pandai belajar, yang memberinya adalah Kau. 

Because of all this things, my aim have been reverted. Turning back to become cardiologist. InshaAllah.

Sekian.

Update

Hello there...

Nothing much to update. I feel like wanna go home (homesick) all the times. Hurmm hurmm

This week been the most devastating week ever! Nothing much to study or maybe I am too lazy (due to some reason) to open the books. I know jangan ikut hati sangat. Nak buat macam mana dah fragile sangat.

I need to struggle to be a better me. Nak jadi orang lain tak boleh. Positif liza positif. Biarlah orang lain lagi hebat, lagi cantik, lagi kaya, lagi pandai, lagi fortunate than you and etc etc.

To everyone out there, dont be like me. Study, work hard in whatever you do and enjoy your life. Live life to the fullest.

:)

p/s : if you couldn't find this blog, maybe it has been removed or changed to mellynomnom.blogspot.com.